Kids at Weddings: How to Include Them Without Losing the Room

Every couple with children on the guest list runs into the same fork in the road. Invite the kids and accept a different kind of evening, or keep it adults only and accept that some families will not come. There is no universally correct answer, but there are ways to make either one work.

Planning around families? Call (585) 352-3300 or contact us and we will help you plan it.

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Decide Early and Say It Clearly

The worst version of this is ambiguity. Parents who are unsure whether their children are invited will ask, and they will ask you, repeatedly, during the months you have the least patience.

Address the names on the invitation envelope precisely, state the policy on your wedding website in one plain sentence, and hold the line. Making exceptions for a few families is how the policy falls apart and how people get genuinely hurt.

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If Children Are Invited

Feed Them First and Feed Them Early

Children eat before adults, or they melt down during toasts. A kids' meal served at the start of dinner service solves most behavioral problems at a wedding before they begin. It is also cheaper than an adult plate, which helps your headcount math.

Give Them Somewhere to Be

The dance floor works for about forty minutes. After that, children need a corner. A table with paper and crayons, a quiet space away from the speakers, or a small area set aside changes the entire evening for the parents in the room.

Because we host one event at a time, there is flexibility in how the room and the property get used. The grounds also give families somewhere to step outside when a child needs a break, which is not available at a venue where you are confined to one hall.

Consider a Sitter

Some couples hire a sitter or two for the reception, often in a side room. For a wedding with a dozen children it can be the best money spent, and parents remember it.

"I had my daughter's Cinderella sweet 16 here and when I say I would give them a thousand stars if I could" - Susan Stanton

Talk through the layout with us. Get started.

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If Children Are Not Invited

This is a completely legitimate choice and a common one. A few things soften it:

• Give as much notice as possible. Parents need to arrange care, and that is harder than people without children remember.
• Be consistent. If the flower girl and ring bearer are the only exceptions, say so explicitly.
• Consider recommending local care options for traveling families. It signals that you thought about them.
• Expect some regrets and do not take them personally. A family driving three hours with a toddler is making a practical decision, not a statement.

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The Middle Path

Several of our couples split the difference: children attend the ceremony and cocktail hour, then go home or to a sitter before dinner. Families get to be part of the meaningful part, the reception stays adult, and nobody feels excluded from the wedding itself.

It requires clear communication and a plan for how the children actually leave, but when it works it is the best of both.

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The Timeline Reality

If children are staying for the whole evening, know that most will be finished around the time dancing really begins. Front-load anything you want them present for: the entrance, the first dance, the cake. Waiting until ten to cut the cake means the children in your photos are asleep on three chairs pushed together.

Your designated event coordinator can build the schedule with that in mind.

More on our weddings and receptions page.

Get in touch or call (585) 352-3300.